come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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