Who did Billy Mays play for?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
