I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
