Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I understand Curling. That high.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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