just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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