what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
