My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
