Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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