mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The uberlube is also flammable
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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