My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
