the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
