I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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