Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
