just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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