Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
