What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
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She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
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blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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