1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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