did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
