He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
