Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
