HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
