listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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