debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
