He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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