dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
