The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
