im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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