Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
