i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
