just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
