she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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