She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
