If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
