I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
