I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
