The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
