At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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