I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
