I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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