are you still at the devil's house?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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