there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
