Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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