dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
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my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
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you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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