Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
