I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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