Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
