so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
