i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
