I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
