just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
