It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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