The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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