I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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