I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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