Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
