The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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