I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
