so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
