chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
