My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
