i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
