I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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